


I'm ok.

by Kloan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Cutting, Depression, Drinking, How Do I Tag, M/M, Partying, University AU, all in third year university if that matters, smol oikawa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 04:59:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6360325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kloan/pseuds/Kloan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa had dragged Iwaizumi to another of those pointless parties he hates, but of course he had to follow Oikawa in case he ended up doing stupid shit. Which in fact, he does. </p><p>TW: CUTTING/DEPRESSION/DRINKING</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm ok.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Kloan here! Sorry if my english is bad, I wrote this at 3am and I should sleeeeeeep.
> 
> PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU GET TRIGGERED BY SELF-HARM/DEPRESSION STORIES!!
> 
> This is also my first post, so please bare with me. 
> 
> Sorry if Oikawa gets a little ooc
> 
> It kinda seems rushed but I didn't want to drag it on for too long..?
> 
> And parts of it has happened to me, alcohol is one hell of a drug.. haha..... (Except I don't party, parties kinda scare me)

“Iwa-chan! Let’s have lunch together, my treat!” Oikawa chased his friend down the dorm hallways, trying to get his attention.

“I already have plans with a study group, and I already ate so no thanks.” Iwaizumi didn’t look up from his phone as he texted his study partners and pressed on the elevator button. Oikawa merely whined and shook his friends arm.

“You don’t need to study! You’re already getting a 90% in your weird… What course is it? Mathology..?” Oikawa tried to nudge his head between Iwaizumi’s face and his phone, trying desperately to get his attention.

“It’s calculus, idiot. And you’d get a 90% too if you studied too.” Iwaizumi walked into the elevator and pocketed his phone with a sigh. “I’ll have dinner with you tonight, is that ok?”

“But it’s Kuroo’s party tonight! We don’t have time to eat dinner, we have to get there early or else Bokuto is going to eat all the good chips and drink all the good drinks!” Oikawa pulled out his phone and scrolled through the messages and shoved his phone in front of Iwaizumi’s face. “LOOK. Bokuto bought good vodka this time!”

“Wait hold on a second, we? I never agreed on going to Kuroo’s party tonight you never even told me about it.” Iwaizumi was reading the texts Bokuto had sent Oikawa which was mostly of their drunken escapades. “I have an early class tomorrow anyways.”

“Oh right, I think I only told some girls who I invited... But Iwa-chan, that’s not the point!” Oikawa almost jumped out of the elevator as the doors opened and nearly stepped on another poor students toes. “You need to get out more often and it’s going to be great, you might even get laid-” Oikawa’s sentence was cut short with a firm jab to the ribs by Iwaizumi. 

“Shut it, Shittykawa. I’m headed to the library. Don’t you have class now?” He opened the doors of their residence building and patted his pants down for his wallet. “I’ll buy us coffee, I know you might need it.”

“Iwa-chan is so caring; I might even fall for you!” Oikawa wiggled and tried to hug his friend but missed. “My astrology professor is always late anyways, he’s kinda old and I don’t think he believes in aliens which is really boring.”

“Get to class, my classmates are waiting for me at the library.” Iwaizumi handed him his coffee and started towards the path to the library. 

“Wait! Promise me you’ll come to the party tonight! I’ll bring that girl you’ve been crushing on…” Oikawa purred and winked at his best friend who was growing more irritated by the second. 

“ _Get. To. Class._ ” He said, followed by a glare.

“Iwa-chan is so mean~” Oikawa skipped away to his lecture.

 

\--

To: IWA-CHAN <3 <3 

_So about the party tonight?? I promise I won’t get too drunk! Kuroo’s place is so close too, so you can drag me home easily!_

Oikawa smiled at his phone and scribbled in his notebook, silently cursing his literature professor for not allowing laptops in lecture. His smile slowly faded throughout the lecture, his mind wandering off.

Don’t fall. Don’t fall. He thought to himself, gripping his pen tightly. 

It’s been weeks since his last episode and he feels it. The sinking feeling was stronger than the last time; something heavier was sitting on his chest this time. He looked up to the wall clock in the lecture room and took off his glasses and inhaled deeply. He exhaled slowly and shut his eyes, trying to follow along with his professor.

_I was better, why is it coming back?_ He cursed himself silently and downed the last of the coffee and gripped his knee. _I can’t really play volleyball anymore either. What can I do?_

He thought about leaving lecture early even though there was half an hour left, and he might miss something important that’d be on the exam. But that feeling. It’s sitting on his chest, preventing him from breathing in.

Oikawa started to panic. He looked up at the clock again and down at his wrist. Spring hadn’t really arrived so he’s still wearing long sleeves- But under the sleeves were a whole new world that only a few people knew about Oikawa. 

Faded scars lined his left wrist, some healing and some completely healed. Oikawa played with the hem of his sleeve, focusing hard. No, Iwaizumi is going to get mad again, I can’t let him be mad at me, what if he-

His phone buzzed louder than he expected and he jumped a little and grabbed at his phone. 

From: IWA-CHAN  <3 <3 

_Fine, but if you get too drunk I’m leaving you at his place, he can deal with your drunk ass. What time is it again?_

Oikawa could breathe again, slowly, but he could inhale. Only his friend could help him out of this, but he couldn’t tell his best friend that he’s falling again. He smiled and texted back with record speed, packing up his things and running out of the lecture hall. 

\--

Oikawa ran straight to his dorm, which was luckily on the second floor so he could go up the stairs without having to wait for the elevator and it wasn’t too hard on his knee. He dropped his bag on his bed and went to his laptop. 

He hummed to himself as he put on his headphones and turned on his music rather loudly, and browsed the web, killing time until the party tonight, at 8. 

He yawned a little and looked around his room. The sun wasn’t close to setting and the room was lit a bright yellow. Something bright caught his eye and he flinched at the thought. 

He got up from his chair and took off his headphones, headed towards the shiny object. It was a box cutter that flips out with a satisfying click. He chuckled and flipped it open, staring at the sharp edge. 

So inviting, so perfect. Perfect. That’s what he tried to be in high school. Did he succeed?

Oikawa mindlessly brought the point of the blade to his bare wrist, the cold metal pinching his pale skin. He tapped the point of the blade on his skin, once, twice, not even noticing he was admiring the blade. One cut is ok, right? 

“Ok no I can’t.” He gasp for air and closed the blade and threw it onto his bed. He bit his lip and exhaled sharply, glaring at the box cutter sitting neatly on his bed. “Iwa-chan would get mad at me…”

His phone rang and he quickly went to pick it up from his desk. 

“H-Hello?” He mentally kicked himself for stuttering and tried to regain his composure. 

“Oikawa? It’s Bokuto. Can you bring more booze tonight?” His owl friend’s chirpy voice made him flinch, but he complied.

“Sure! Anything in particular?”

“Anything, honestly. I think stupid Kuroo drank some a few nights ago so we’re a little short. Iwaizumi coming?” Oikawa could hear Kuroo shouting in the background. Has the party started?

“Y-Yeah I’ll pick some up on the way there. Yeah he agreed to come! Isn’t that something.” Oikawa laughed, hoping that Bokuto wouldn’t hear him stutter.

“Thanks man! I owe you one.” Oikawa sighed in relief. He didn’t notice anything. “Hey Oikawa? You ok? You kinda sounded off.”

Shit. 

“No I’m fine! I just woke up from a nap and you just woke me up that’s all.” Oikawa nearly shouted into the phone and laughed loudly.

“Oh, take care and see ya tonight!” Bokuto ended the call instantly and Oikawa threw his phone down on his bed, nearly missing the box cutter. 

“Why did I become like this?” He whispered to himself, slowly settling himself onto the floor by the bed. He felt so vulnerable and alone, but it’s going to be ok because he’s going to have a great night with Iwaizumi, right?

\--

Oikawa raced down the hall to his best friends dorm and half punched the door instead of knocking like a normal human being. “IWA-CHAN IT’S TIME TO GO!” Ignoring the weird stares of other students in the hallway, he continued to knock- very loudly, on his friends door.

The door opened so quickly that Oikawa nearly punched his friend in the head. “Shittykawa, what are you doing.” 

“It’s time to go! Party time!” Oikawa cheered, jumping around like a 10 year old.

“I hope you pass out quickly so I can go home early.” Iwaizumi grunted, locking his door and started towards the elevator. “And how old are you? Stop acting like a kid, you’re in your third year of university, act like it for God's sake.”

“Iwa-chan is so mean…” Oikawa pouted, but smiled at his best friend.

This night would be fine, just fine. 

\--

They made their way through the campus to the other residence block which are townhouses, so they hosted more parties. Kuroo opened the door and greeted their friends, and invited them in.

“Oh? Is that who I think it is?” Oikawa grinned mercilessly as he walked up to his fellow team captain back in high school. “Daichi! Long time no see!”

“We have class together you know.” Daichi raised an eyebrow and poured a drink. “You just never show up.”

“Oikawa, I thought you said you were going to your classes.” Iwaizumi appeared beside him and glared at his friend.

“O-Oh! B-But it’s an 8am class! I can never wake up for those!” Oikawa laughed it off but the stares from Daichi and Iwaizumi were not convinced. “Bokuto is worse!”

“Yep!” Bokuto jumped from the couch to there the trio were standing, smiling rather proudly. “Haven’t been to class in weeks!”

“Don’t be proud of that, idiot.” Akaashi shouted from the door, shuffling his shoes off. “Hi guys.”

“Akaashi! You’re supposed to be on my side!” Bokuto ran to his friend, leaving Oikawa, Daichi and Iwaizumi to their drinks. 

“Cheers, to finals.” Daichi took the bottle of whiskey from Oikawa’s bag and poured each of them a rather large shot.

“Amen.” Iwaizumi downed it quickly, followed by a coughing Oikawa. 

“How’d you down that so fast, Iwa-chan?!” Oikawa was coughing now, clearly the drink didn’t go down the way he wanted it to.

“So maybe I can deal with your shit a little easier.” Iwaizumi poured himself another shot.

The night continued on smoothly, more people showed up and drinking games were constant. Girls would constantly try to get close to Oikawa and he’d comply, sweet talking them through the loud music. Soon a small crowd formed around Oikawa as someone- he doesn’t even remember, he’s taken way too many shots by then, convinced him to take body shots off some girl. At least she was attractive, Oikawa thought to himself. 

\--

It was around 3am when Oikawa was dragged out of the house by Iwaizumi. 

“I-Iwa-chan… You.. You should r-really go out more often.” Oikawa was stumbling over his own words. “This was such a good n-night!” He laughed loudly.

“Be quiet, do you want to wake the neighbors?” A red-faced Iwaizumi held onto his drunken friend, heading towards their residence. 

“Ok Iwa-chan! I’ll listentoyou..” His last few words slurred together as he tripped and nearly brought them both down. 

“How much did you drink?” His friend struggled to lift him, grunting at the weight. “I should’ve stopped you at the 5th shot.”

“No fun! I’m having fun! It’s ok, I’m ok!” Giggled Oikawa. They wobbled to their respective dorms and bid each other good night, where Oikawa blew a kiss to Iwaizumi which was replied back with a grimace. 

Oikawa slumped down on the floor, breathing slowly, smiling at the alcohol weighing his limbs down. It was a good night. He thought to himself, sitting up. He dug out his water bottle out from his bag and gulped it down, hoisting himself up to his desk and putting on his headphones. He pulled out his small bottle of wine and poured himself a glass, admiring the dark red liquid deeply. He sipped it and set the glass down, looking through Netflix shows but settled with watching funny videos on YouTube.

He didn’t know how much time had passed, but the bottle of wine was empty and he was laughing at some silly Japanese prank show and there were new cuts on his wrist-

“Shit.” Oikawa put down the box cutter and paused the video, taking off his headphones carefully. His body felt heavy and he stared at his wrist and smiled. He smiled and started giggling, then laughing. He pulled out a tissue and dabbed it on his wrist, the alcohol clearly impairing him, but it was ok. Oikawa thought it was all alright. 

Maybe finishing the bottle of wine was a bad idea, but he didn’t think much of it. He felt good. Better than before actually, and he couldn’t stop smiling like a madman. He picked up the blade and made another cut, this one stinging beautifully. He stared at it and laughed. He reached over to open another bottle of wine, ignoring the blood running down his arm all over his pants.

"Shittykawa, I'm coming in-" He clearly didn’t hear the door of his dorm room open, because a startled and clearly angry Iwaizumi stood at the door. “Oikawa… What happened?” He closed the door behind him and slowly walked towards his giggling friend. 

“Iwa-chan! W-Why are you here! You told m-me to go to sleep, and look what happened!” Oikawa was laughing now, holding the new bottle of wine in his left hand and the box cutter in the other hand. “Look! New o-ones!”

“It’s not funny, put the bottle down, please.” Iwaizumi held out his hand slowly, trying not to startle his friend. “J-Just put it down.” Anger has disappeared which was now replaced by fear for his friend.

“Iwa-chan, have a drink with me!” Oikawa tried to stop his giggling, but the alcohol was too strong. “It’s ok! I’m ok!”

“You are far from ok, Oikawa.” He was panicking now. Should he grab the blade from him? “Oikawa just hand over the blade.” Iwaizumi slowly reached for the blade in his friends hand.

“NO!” Oikawa flinched, glaring stubbornly at his friend, then at the blade. “It’s ok! Look I’m ok..” With another flick of the wrist, he opened another cut. 

Iwaizumi flinched. He hated seeing it happen in person, he could never understand it, but he was determined to stop him. “P-Please Oikawa, just put it down, you’re hurting yourself.” He was shaking now, staring at the blade in his friends hand.

Oikawa felt a lump in his throat and tried to swallow it down. “I-It’s ok, I’m fine.. Look I’m fine…” He looked at his wrist again, dropping the bottle on his lap. Tears started falling down his face, his grip weakening on the blade which was moving towards his wrist again. “I’m fine…!”

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi pulled the bottle off his lap and set it on the floor beside the other empty bottles. “Listen to me very carefully. Hand me the blade.” He reached out for the blade again.

“Iwa-chan, why am I doing this?” Oikawa half laughed and half sobbed, it was a weird feeling. He was smiling but his face looked desperate. “I was falling again, I couldn’t feel better again, I’m ok!” Words were not making sense as Oikawa sobbed quietly. "...It's ok, right?"

Iwaizumi grabbed the blade, cursing silently as it pricked his hand a little. He closed it and threw it away from them, across the room. He took some tissues and started wiping the blood off his friends arm. He tried to be as gentle as possible around the new cuts that were starting to darken. 

“Tonight was a good night too… What happened?” Oikawa rubbed his eyes as his friend bandaged him up. “I was ok.” Tears started to fall again as he sobbed.

“Breathe, Tooru.” Iwaizumi held his friend close in a gentle embrace. “You’re going to be ok. Just breathe.” He could feel Oikawa shiver in his arms, sobbing quietly. 

After a while Oikawa was guided to bed, red faced from crying and the alcohol. He downed a large glass of water and tugged at Iwaizumi’s sleeve. “Will I get better soon?”

“Yea, you will.” Iwaizumi pulled the blanket over his friend and tucked him in, just like when they were kids. “Just go to sleep and I’ll check up on you in the morning.”

“Iwa-chan please stay.” Oikawa pleaded, gripping his sleeve tightly, the alcohol pushing him to sleep. “I don’t wanna be alone.” It was quiet enough for Iwaizumi’s ears to pick up.

“…Fine. Just for tonight ok.” Iwaizumi gently crawled into bed beside him, resting his arm on Oikawa’s waist.

“No wonder why you don’t get girls, you’re so into me aren’t you.” Oikawa mused, wiggling under his friends arm.

If Oikawa was sober and not a mess, Iwaizumi was sure he wouldn’t smacked him on the head. He simply sighed and closed his eyes. “Good night, Tooru.”

“You’re so into me…~” And with that, Oikawa drifted to sleep.


End file.
